Greetings — my name is Baalesh. A couple decades ago, when the elders on the DO were contemplating the dementia and insanity running rampant through their members’ minds, they decided to find a resident psychologist/witch doctor/shrink/demonologist by any means possible. In their search for one who could calm, could squelch the chaos rending the psyches of its ranks, to deal with all sorts of geek and gaming related mental complications, they found me. And well, they failed. But, I was kept on as their most senior member, trying to hold the fabrics of each and every member’s souls (at least the ones not sold) together.

Well, recently, I reached lv. 60 with my Night Elf Mohawk and gained the skill to write an advice column. Realizing that WoW sux, I decided to kill my character and write an actual advice column instead. But alas, with the DO becoming more and more public these last couple years, the DO leaders have decided that it is time to be altruistic with my talents. So I have opened my email to the masses: Baalesh7@yahoo.com. Email me with any questions about life as a gamer, as a geek, as a thinker, an otaku, an automaton, a ninja, pirate, whatever. I will select the best question (or the question I can best answer, to be honest) and answer it on DO XIII’s website, here, for the world to bask in the warm, ooey goodness of my pertinent, insightful, and non-legally accountable advice. Well, here are some bits for all of you to start chewing on.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

 —  Socrates, in Plato’s Dialogues, Apology

      Greek philosopher in Athens (469 BCE – 399 BCE)

Examine stuff. Lots of stuff. And things, don’t forget things. What do I mean? Kant rambled on and on about empirical logic, empirical thought, empirical truth, empirical 46 Chinese restaurant. So, why so much? Even though I love General Tso’s Chicken as much as the next person (as well as the Qing Dynasty), the senses are good. Scratch that, they are great. Yeah, I did lock myself in a dark room with only a mini-fridge of wine, cold pizza, some left over Chow-Mei-Fun, and a copy of FF XII, but I still took the time once a day to open the window to breath in the fresh air, hear the birds chirping joyously, and gaze upon Nature’s beautiful bounty before promptly shutting the window, the shades and blinds, and continuing to complete every single hunt.

Anyway, what Socrates meant by his statement is also true. The external world is nothing unless we explore the internal world. Contemplation, Rumination, and many other �ations are necessary for us to understand and appreciate what we experience in the world, especially donations to the Disorganization XIII’s Funds “for the World” Drive

(Note: World defined as Disorganization XIII members only. No refunds returned. All donations are final. No gifts will be given in response for a donation. Give Me a Dollar)

“All we are is dust in the wind, dude.”

 —  Ted Logan, to Socrates

      Time Traveler and Lady’s Man (Timeline indeterminate)

St. Logan was a wise man of many memorial phrases, such as “There is no spoon,” “My spoon is too big,” and “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” But the most prophetic is the one above, Woo.

Ted was reminding us of our own mortality and the freedom that comes with this knowledge. It is like a variation of King Solomon’s Ring — this too shall pass. I don’t remember if it was referring to a kidney stone or a metaphorical torch or something, but the dual nature of this statement is paramount. In times of sorrow (waiting in the blistering cold for Super Smash Brawl) brings you to times of happiness (getting Brawl) and times of happiness (cracking the Smash Bros Brawl wrapper) will subside to times of sorrow (the rumblings of your stomach from not having the 50 bucks to get something to eat after).

Anyway, back to St. Logan. During times of happiness, we should sober ourselves to the fact that we are as simple as dust in the wind. And in times of sorrow, Ted speaks to the perpetual cycle and fluidity of life, dude.

“In every instant, in every moment,

   Be still with your mind.

      Be open with your heart

         And be true with your soul.”

 —  Baalesh, in his first advice column post on the DO XIII website

      Resident psychologist/witch doctor/shrink/demonologist of the DO XIII (Circa 6 BCE – 2001 CE)

Enough said.

(To submit a question to Baalesh, email it to Baalesh7@yahoo.com.)

A rant post by Baalesh on September 26, 2008