InuYasha – The Final Act: Episode 3, Meido Zangetsuha

A recap by someone who keeps confusing InuYasha with other Rumiko Takahashi anime, and therefore keeps thinking Koga’s that guy who’s always lost.

Thankfully, Hulu and Viz post new episodes of this show on Saturdays, when I usually have nothing else to do, but still want to drink.  Right now many of the guys of DO XIII are on the couchbed, playing Dead Space and reading astronaut logs in funny voices.

Last time on Inuyasha, Kagura turned into a puff of feathers and smegma, Koga got the awesome Hot Topic jewelry of the dog face tribe, and Naraku’s heart is actually a baby inside a mutant demon/Frankenstein’s monster creature with Gamera’s hard candy shell.

Sesshoumaru is standing on the cliffs of thoughtful recappyness, reminding us that Kagura’s dead and he may or may not be sad about such a thing.  Happosai appears on a three-eyed cow and tells Sesh that his not-broken sword has been making noise and summoned him.  It is now time to reforge Tenseiga into a weapon.

…But Tenseiga’s a sword, right?  It’s already a weapon.  Why does it need to be reforged into a weapon?  Is it really just a sword hilt, and there are corndogs in the sheath? Seriously, the episode title hasn’t even appeared, and I need a new drink.  Whiskey, you are my true friend.

This week’s title is Meido Zangetsuha, which breaks the previous streak of “Character’s Metaphorical Object” titling we’ve had.  I guess we’ll never get to see Kikyo’s Baloney Sandwich then…  The closest thing I recognize from that is “Zangetsu,” which is the name of Ichigo’s sword in Bleach.  Let’s see, we’re talking about Sesshoumaru getting a sword…is Zangetsu a Japanese word for “obnoxiously powerful anime weaponry”?

Sango and PervMonk are hanging out in the rolling hills of suggestive fanfic shipping, catching us up to speed Sango’s little brother – he ran off to help Kikyo defeat Naraku by uniting the Shikon MacGuffin, which would kill him.  Then Sango grabs his butt.  This is important.

So Sango’s brother might die, Kagura is dead, and Kikyo absorbed someone else’s soul into her body…let’s see what high schools Kagome’s applying to!  And here, in the grand tradition of shojo anime heroines, we see her interact with “easily forgotten normal BFFs.”  I have seen your type in Sailor Moon and Pretear and Utena, and I’m not even trying to remember your names.

Cut to: Kagome at home.  Her grandfather is giving her a lucky charm, and telling her a foreshadowy story behind it. Apparently, when the Shikon Jewel was won, the winner made the “only correct wish” and everything was peachy.  Kagome, who has been spending about 20 years hanging out in an alternate dimension where this sort of thing is really important, smartly tunes her grandfather out, but wonders what the correct wish is.  (The correct wish is obviously for the High School Musical franchise to continue into College Musical.)

Upstairs in her bedroom, InuYasha pulls his best Edward Cullen, not only in that he comes in through the window to watch her sleep, but then blames her for being cold when he’s the one who opened the window.  Oh, InuYasha.  Isn’t it your fucking time of the month yet?

Shippo takes a laserbeam leaf to the face, and then the demon inn appears.  This next portion of the episode is brought to you by sweet, sweet Amaretto.

The demon inn is full of sexy ladies in kimonos, so PervMonk predictably is all, “Shit, bitch, let’s check in.”  But then the sexy ladies turn out to be foxes, who are trying to go up in rank for the Demon Promotion Exam.  How did my glass get empty so quickly?

The laserbeam leaf that hit Shippo is his exam ticket to get “promoted”.  A couple other fox kids show up and explain that since the Scoobies are such hero archetypes, they’ll get beau coup points for fooling them with foxy magic.  Shippo himself goes up 5 ranks just for smacking InuYasha around a bit.  Wasn’t this series supposed to make up for the fact that the original series was 9,000 episodes of running around?  We’re in episode 3 and we’ve already hit wacky filler?  REALLY?

Oh, I get it!  It’s a parallel!  Kagome’s freaking out about her exams in the real world, and now Shippo’s going through exams in this world, and getting so caught up, he forgets what’s important!  See, it’s funny because– whiskey! You came back!

InuYasha’s sword is made with Time Lord technology, because that sheath’s gotta be bigger on the inside.  Also, if I crossover shitty anime in my mind with good shows, it makes things more bearable.  Anyway, a demonette shows up to steal the demon power from InuYasha’s sword, and Shippo helps her because he’s a retarded mascot character who believes anything a villain of the week says.  Within the span of 2 minutes, max, the following happens:

1. Tetsusaiga runs out of demonic energy
2. The demonette fires said energy at InuYasha
3. InuYasha is believed to be dead
4. But he’s okay!
5. The demonette is sorry
6. But then she isn’t!
7. And she’s really a raccoon!
8. InuYasha gets his sword’s energy back.

Rumiko Takahashi, you are trying to destroy my liver.

We’re almost at the end of the episode when something that actually matters happens.  I’ve gotta admit, this was pretty badass.  Sesshoumaru and his party are with Happosai and his supercow in some sort of freaky sperm world.  Sesh wields his sword against a giant ogre and seemingly does nothing.  But then!  A giant crescent moon-shaped hole to the underworld opens up and sucks the ogre into it.  HOLY CRAP.

Happosai explains: Tenseiga is connected to the underworld, which is why he can bring dead people back from it (hey, maybe you shoulda tried that with Kagura, buddy, I’m just sayin’).  So NOW, he can cut a hole into the underworld offensively to have his enemies get sucked into the darkness.  And he’s got beef with Naraku.

Which is unfortunate, because the end theme has taught me that Naraku will be defeated by rapping pinwheels.

Next time on InuYasha – The Final Act!  Tetsusaiga’s turned to shit and InuYasha has to get energy back!  The dog-faced boy returns to fight somebody!  These plots may or may not have anything to do with anything!  Perhaps I’ll have Crystal Head Vodka by then!