Name: Weighted Companion Cube

Disorganization Number: <3

Role in the Disorganization: Our best friend

Geek Cred: Our best friend

Likes: Being carried around, Teleportation Technology, All of us and all of you

Dislikes: Computers, Fire

Bio: We love the weighted companion cube. It loves us, and sometimes it gives us cake. Real cake. Moist fluffy cake that obviously isn’t made up in any way shape or form. It helps us reach things on high shelves, weighs down our papers so they don’t blow away in the wind, and attacks our enemies… if we throw it first. It also gives us words of encouragement, gives us suggestions as to what to write or perform next, and tells us to kill the president. Silly companion cube! Sometimes the companion cube talks too much but it’s that charm that makes the companion cube so lovable. I mean, sometimes it just keeps talking and talking and I mean it doesn’t shut up. Then we get angry but the companion cube starts to yell at us, and says some hurtful things. We have to try and talk it down but sometimes it gets really angry and then it starts threatening us. Then sometimes it can get physical, but bruises heal. We still love the weighted companion cube and we would never euthanize it… ever EVER! YOU HEAR THAT, CUBE? WE WON’T EVER EUTHANIZE YOU SO PLEASE LET MIKE OUT OF THE HELIUM TANK! HE’S SORRY! IT’S COLD IN THERE, AND HE NEEDS FOOD AND HUMAN INTERACTION!

Anyway, the cube wants to come to conventions with us, but it rarely gets to make public appearances. It always seems to have strange run-ins with aperture science information incinerators shortly before con time. This combined with its strange fear of computers makes it…

Wait… fear of computers? That means it can’t use the internet to read this page…

HELP US, HELP US, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP US! IT WATCHES US PEE!

A bio post by Weighted Companion Cube, updated April 29, 2008