Disorganization XIII » movies

Oh, Michael.

Johnny — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 16:25:21 +0000

Michael Bay promises that Transformers 3: Robots So Deep In Disguise You Don’t Even Know will be a “dork-free Transformers.” Because as we all know, a summer boomsplosion blockbuster franchise based on a children’s action figure line that are alien robots who turn into cars and jets and that features an awkward-looking dude hooking up with a hot chick who likes dude things while shit blows up all around them is at its heart a thinking person’s film. Eraserhead and Transformers 3, presented side by side in film schools and art house cinemas everywhere.

Surviving New Moon in 3 Easy Drinks

Johnny — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:03:39 +0000

Er, I mean “3 Easy Steps.”

…Just kidding, I meant “Drinks.”

I drove down to Philadelphia this weekend with Angie (who you may recall from the NYAF fanfic panel) to visit our friend Amanda, so that we could see New Moon. (I refuse to use that “Twilight Saga” bullshit; it doesn’t count as a saga if the plot points from the ENTIRE SERIES could barely fill a Twitter post.) Having learned from Twilight that a little drink makes the movie a lot better, we snuck in an entire bottle of rum and a 1.5 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. This was the greatest idea we have ever had. By the end of the 2 hour “How Many Shirtless Men Can You Take?” endurance, I was pleasantly buzzed, Amanda got progressively louder with her movie sass-talk, and Angie was DRUNK. I assure you, this is the best way to watch the Twilight movies. Eclipse is allegedly coming out on IMAX this summer, and we can’t decide if we can handle drinking and three-story-tall sparklevamps. If we vomit into someone’s hat, you’ll be the first to know, dear readers.

So in case you find yourself in a movie theater to see New Moon, I offer you the New Moon drinking game! Or, you know, just stay home and drink with someone you know who’s read the books and play a rousing game of “Twilight Means Never Having To Say You’re Kidding.”

New Moon Drinking Game

Drink every time:

someone takes their shirt off
someone randomly appears shirtless
one of the actors makes a “jizz in my pants” expression (you’ll know it when you see it, trust me)
a sidelined character seems vastly more interesting/awesome than Edward, Bella, or Jacob
thinly veiled excuses for domestic violence are made (NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW ANGRY THIS MADE ME)
Bella doesn’t get to drive her own damn truck because she is a sillee wummin and it’s a man’s jerb to driev
magical ghost Edward appears
Bella is a total asshole to someone who honestly cares about her

Now that should get you drunk enough on just the shirtless rules alone, but if you want to play the extra hard turbo levels…

Chug:

when you get to the part of the movie representing the 8 BLANK PAGES
the proposal

To be fair, this movie was better than the first one, and both movies are better than the books. But the entire time, I just kept thinking I’d rather be watching “Face Punch.” (If anyone knows anyone at Summit, I NEED a Face Punch movie poster. Seriously.)

Trigun: the Movie: now with more guns!

Johnny — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:55:43 +0000

Okay, so there might still only be 3 guns. But after what might actually be a decade of speculation and broken dreams, Trigun the Movie is slated to premiere in Spring 2010. As a total Trigun fangirl (I might have paid off my college loans if it weren’t for that meddling doujinshi. And action figures. And replica derringers. And re-re-rereleased DVDs…) this makes me really really ridiculously excited. Trigun is one of my all-time favorite anime (second to Utena) – you have a cast of characters that can do both goofy and dramatic, and a story that allows them that range. The anime did something that is apparently revolutionary: even though the manga was still going, THEY WROTE THEIR OWN ANIME ENDING. And trust me, it was better than the manga. (Wait, so spaceships saved the day and being brunette means you’re dying and now Meryl and Milly are tv reporters? What?)

The plot looks like it’ll take place somewhere mid-series, since it stars Vash, Meryl, Milly, and Wolfwood. (OMG SPOYLERZ). And there’s a bigtime robber named Gasback (ah, Trigun names) and a female bounty hunter named Ameria (not gonna lie – I hope someone writes pr0nfic with her in it and titles it “In Ameria”.)

Here’s the trailer. Exciting!

Click here to view the embedded video.